Good morning dear Readers,

today I would like to address the guys out there. One of the frequently asked question I receive during counseling sessions from males is ” How do I find myself as a submissive? How do I find the right Mistress for me?*

Now assuming that this is not just one of the most known ploys to get free attention from someone like me, it actually is a good question. One I have answered over and over again during PAID counseling sessions. So here goes.

The first thing you have to do is look inside of yourself. Look deep into your very own heart and mind. Be brutally honest with what actually drives you on. Is your desire to be a submissive really a need, or is it just a pretty sounding Title you have placed upon your desire to get your kinky fix?

I know it sounds harsh, but finding yourself is something you have to approach in a straight forward manner. Being a submissive is not so much about a want, it is more about a need. An actual need which must be satisfied in order for you to feel whole!

Now lets talk about that need shall we? When you see that statement what comes instantly to mind? Are they all about getting you off, getting your sexual charges met, serving yourself before her? If those statements can be answered with a “yes”, I would say that you are still on the wrong track.

The submissive spirit seeks to be useful, to be a pleasure to someone they admire (you should only serve those you can truly admire), to be helpful, worshipful, to bring a smile to the face of the ONE they serve. A submissive spirit is never as much “in sync” with its true nature than when they are at the command of the right Person. A submissive spirit is happy and content in servitude, in enduring for his/her Lady’s pleasure, in sacrificing for her betterment.

What it isn’t is a self-important spirit. It isn’t a naturally weak spirit either. Most real and good submissive boys are naturally extremely intelligent human beings, often in high stress jobs and carry in their vanilla aspect high responsibilities. They have a good and solid mind, often a very strong will of their own and respect for them-self as well as others. They are extremely seldom whiny, sniffling, addicted to Drugs or Alcohol, or otherwise self-destructive in their every day life.

A real submissive spirit is not mindless, but seeks and yearns to bend his/her mind to the One they serve. Which is why a submissive of any sort of good caliber and class would not deem it proper to top from the bottom, tell his Lady how to train him, or make any undo demands.

Now being a submissive is far from easy. Matter of fact I would say it is extremely difficult since it clashes with the inborn instinct of humanity. That instinct is to be selfish and “all about comfort for one’s self” first.  It seems so easy to say: “I hear and obey!” and so hard to do. You see, most human beings have a difficult time being told what to do and an even harder time paying full attention to what the small details of that demand are. As a submissive you are required to do much more than simply “just” obey the big picture of the order. You are required (if you serve a demanding Lady) to think ahead and to pay attention to even the smallest detail of the action.

Which brings me to pride! Yes pride, you read it correctly dear Reader. I know that most of you would belief that a submissive shouldn’t have “pride” but that is far from the truth. Pride is essential to a submissive. What they shouldn’t have is EGO.  Now what do I mean here. Simply put, there is an immense pride in being a good submissive who brings immeasurable pleasure to his Lady. It is the satisfaction in a service well performed, a job well done, a deed well executed which causes this pride. It is the glowing and warm feeling when he hears, sees or witnesses his Lady not only smiling, relaxed and eager to pay attention to him (which are the only true Rewards which should count – more on that in a second), but hears or reads her words of praise for him and his demeanor.

Ego on the other hand is selfish. It is defined in part as an exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit. You see where the difference is? Where pride in achievement is justified and worthy, a golden push to even better service, the ego is the death stroke to any submissive.

So before you can become anyones submissive you need to learn to let go of your EGO, to learn to dampen your over estimated self-importance.

Do you have the right to have your needs met in turn? Absolutely you do, but that too is a double-edged sword. You see the submissive has the need once again to serve, to please, to be a good boy, to bring pleasure. All the physical side effects, the fetish behaviors are just gravy on the main meal so to speak. If your main need is to serve, to please, to be a good boy, to bring pleasure you will do your best to be about her needs, her desires and her contentment. Which in turn will lead to your needs being led and her being more than willing and happy to indulge in at least some of your fetish desires.

See how I phrased that? Need vs desire? The fetish aspects, the BDSM aspects, the actual physical deeds and actions of any of them are desires. They are what turn us on, make us hard, allow us to cum etc. Needs on the other hand are deeply seated, they are mental in nature and satisfying on a long-lasting scale.

Ok so that is explained. Now let’s continue with “ripping yourself off as a submissive from deep pleasure and opportunities to meet your needs”. And here is where I will stop. If you are interested in reading the rest of the answer, the further details my paying counseling client have received you will need to wait until the next issue of the Financial Domination Magazine (print or download) and purchase it.

Look for it to be in my Magazine Store on April 15th 2011. Have a wonderful day for now.

Goddess Bella Donna
http://www.newmoneypigswanted.com
http://paymepiggynow.com
http://thefinancialdominationmagazine.com